Friday, July 13, 2012
Bye bye bye to Facebook!!
I am feeling so incredibly liberated because I just deleted my Facebook applications and decided to resign from a Facebook filled life! So glorious!!! This will now be my main mode of sharing and communicating, minus email of course. I will be posting more often and starting to include pictures and videos of Asher. Just want to update reminding everyone I haven't completely deserted them, although most act like it when I broke the news of NO Facebook *gasp* how can I survive?!
Just fine is how, infact I promise my life and all who are present in it will appreciate my Facebook free lifestyle. YES, I dare to be different :)
Off to snuggle with the little Mr. for some quiet reading
Sun soaked cheeks and Happy shrieks!
-Amber
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Not my plans
I thought of something this morning. Something I think is worth blogging about, considering this is basically my therapy session published for anyone to read. I need to process these thoughts, and ideas and turn them into positivity.
This morning my husband left for a his VERY FIRST business trip. I was very excited for him but in honesty I was excited for myself as well. I figured he's away on business this means I get to do things I WANT to do instead of what we want to do. I started making plans over a week ago for the 2/3 days he will be away. I wanted to have lots of play time with Asher maybe go to the children's museum. I made plans with friends and arranged a babysitter so I could have a night out! I figured it would be a great and quick 2/3 days of rejuvenation. I could make what I enjoyed for meals, I could clean at my leisure while Asher was at grandmas and the list goes on and on and on of all the lovely things I wanted to do.
Well what happens the second I give Jacob a big kiss and send him on his way? All my plans and I quite literately mean everything I wanted to do slowly one by one started falling through or apart completely. I no longer have a babysitter due to sickness (completely understandable seeing as everybody around me is sick at the moment) and then my father no longer agreed to watch Asher on my day of work, our bank account took a very surprising dip because of unseen bills that needed to be paid. Normally this stuff wouldn't bother me that much, its all things that happen in life. People get sick, bills need to be paid...unseen things pop up. I totally get that. It just seems to me that for the last 2-3 weeks every time I make plans or schedule out activities for myself or Asher they keep falling through.
Today I made the realization that maybe all these things keep falling through because God has other plans, different plans and most likely BETTER plans but I have failed in asking Him how would He like me to be spending my time and money. Is it possible that God just wants me to slow down? To focus on what holds more importance such as getting enough sleep, spending more time with Asher, a tended to home and organization and that is why my plans never hold up.
God, I see your trying to tell me something. I'm not exactly sure what it is yet but I'm listening. This song sums up perfectly how I'm feeling today. This is my prayer Lord.
This morning my husband left for a his VERY FIRST business trip. I was very excited for him but in honesty I was excited for myself as well. I figured he's away on business this means I get to do things I WANT to do instead of what we want to do. I started making plans over a week ago for the 2/3 days he will be away. I wanted to have lots of play time with Asher maybe go to the children's museum. I made plans with friends and arranged a babysitter so I could have a night out! I figured it would be a great and quick 2/3 days of rejuvenation. I could make what I enjoyed for meals, I could clean at my leisure while Asher was at grandmas and the list goes on and on and on of all the lovely things I wanted to do.
Well what happens the second I give Jacob a big kiss and send him on his way? All my plans and I quite literately mean everything I wanted to do slowly one by one started falling through or apart completely. I no longer have a babysitter due to sickness (completely understandable seeing as everybody around me is sick at the moment) and then my father no longer agreed to watch Asher on my day of work, our bank account took a very surprising dip because of unseen bills that needed to be paid. Normally this stuff wouldn't bother me that much, its all things that happen in life. People get sick, bills need to be paid...unseen things pop up. I totally get that. It just seems to me that for the last 2-3 weeks every time I make plans or schedule out activities for myself or Asher they keep falling through.
Today I made the realization that maybe all these things keep falling through because God has other plans, different plans and most likely BETTER plans but I have failed in asking Him how would He like me to be spending my time and money. Is it possible that God just wants me to slow down? To focus on what holds more importance such as getting enough sleep, spending more time with Asher, a tended to home and organization and that is why my plans never hold up.
God, I see your trying to tell me something. I'm not exactly sure what it is yet but I'm listening. This song sums up perfectly how I'm feeling today. This is my prayer Lord.
Monday, February 6, 2012
A bigger picture
Its time not for a new start or beginning because to many times I've said "this is a changing day- a new day". This time its different, this time its a continuation, a leap of faith and a longing for true forever change. Something that doesn't make me new but instead takes me to my essence, my core being- a heart longing after God's own heart. This is where I don't try but I DO. I show myself mercy, understand and forgiveness because I am not perfect. I will fail but now I will allow myself to fail. To rise again, dust myself off and keep going instead of sinking deeper into my own muddy despair. I will love myself and others the way God calls me to, not the way I feel I or they deserve.
I will make small obtainable goals and not expect everything to come easily and change over night. I will enjoy the quiet moments and embrace the overwhelming one second at a time. I will seek God and His ways, and His wisdom before my own pleasures and desires. God and His way, His plan and His word are now my main desire.
I choose to be different and stand out in the crowd. I will be a "Jesus freak" or a "bible thumper" for HE is the reason I am alive and so blessed beyond words. For it is not by my own works but HIS GRACE that I am saved.
Proverbs 31:30
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
I will make small obtainable goals and not expect everything to come easily and change over night. I will enjoy the quiet moments and embrace the overwhelming one second at a time. I will seek God and His ways, and His wisdom before my own pleasures and desires. God and His way, His plan and His word are now my main desire.
I choose to be different and stand out in the crowd. I will be a "Jesus freak" or a "bible thumper" for HE is the reason I am alive and so blessed beyond words. For it is not by my own works but HIS GRACE that I am saved.
Proverbs 31:30
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Insane in the membrane! Insane...got no brain!
Have I stepped into the twilight zone? or am I still asleep and having the most vivid and longest dream of my life because last couple weeks of life feel like one big blur. I enjoyed the holidays and our little "vacation" to Minnesota for my cousins wedding but ever since we returned I feel like I have to adjust to a new meaning of "everyday life".
It feels as if everything around my just sped up to like super sonic warp speed in a blink of an eye. First off time...time feels like a figment of my imagination. A lovely lofty idea in which I can make and hold a schedule and have left over moments for a hobby or say a social life. Time no longer exists in my world. I am officially on the crazy train headed straight to where ever the heck this train derails and throws me off. My days and weeks have turned from scheduled events and things to look forward to; into a time where I open my eyes in the morning, blink and its 11pm and I have no time to do a single thing I was suppose to accomplish that day.
My adorable, silly and very energetic son has turned into a hurricane of flip-flopping emotions and screams of "I love you mama" to "NO WAY." and "Go away mama." or my current favorite "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NOOOOOOOO". We used to love running errands and going grocery shopping now I find myself eating cereal for 3 meals a day, accompanied by 10 cups of coffee praying I can put off going to the store with my insane mini-human for just one more day.
Now, don't get me wrong, Asher is a great little kid. So much fun, so loving, so creative has the biggest imagination but...haha and that is a very large BUT, he has his mothers and his fathers need for independence and our attitudes. If you know anything about Jacob and I you should know already that when I say Asher has our need for independence...that is a big UH OH. Add in the fact that he has our very stubborn some what sassy attitudes you can imagine the treat I'm in for. Allow me to remind you this mini human we created is ONLY 2 years and 8 months old! I can't even imagine what the years to come are going to bring my way.
So here I am, in this transition of moving on and adjusting to a new normal. Its rough, its exhausting and its a total mix of emotions but I have to admit it is also a lot of fun. Watching this amazing little thing that we created and that I freaking grew in my belly for 9 months start talking, and having an imagination and his own personality is just mind blowing. I just pray that God gives me the wisdom and strength to raise this little monster into the man that God has called him to be. I also pray that I am strong enough, and patient enough to remember to focus of the important things in life so that I may become the mother, wife and woman God has planned and needs me to become.
It feels as if everything around my just sped up to like super sonic warp speed in a blink of an eye. First off time...time feels like a figment of my imagination. A lovely lofty idea in which I can make and hold a schedule and have left over moments for a hobby or say a social life. Time no longer exists in my world. I am officially on the crazy train headed straight to where ever the heck this train derails and throws me off. My days and weeks have turned from scheduled events and things to look forward to; into a time where I open my eyes in the morning, blink and its 11pm and I have no time to do a single thing I was suppose to accomplish that day.
My adorable, silly and very energetic son has turned into a hurricane of flip-flopping emotions and screams of "I love you mama" to "NO WAY." and "Go away mama." or my current favorite "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NOOOOOOOO". We used to love running errands and going grocery shopping now I find myself eating cereal for 3 meals a day, accompanied by 10 cups of coffee praying I can put off going to the store with my insane mini-human for just one more day.
Now, don't get me wrong, Asher is a great little kid. So much fun, so loving, so creative has the biggest imagination but...haha and that is a very large BUT, he has his mothers and his fathers need for independence and our attitudes. If you know anything about Jacob and I you should know already that when I say Asher has our need for independence...that is a big UH OH. Add in the fact that he has our very stubborn some what sassy attitudes you can imagine the treat I'm in for. Allow me to remind you this mini human we created is ONLY 2 years and 8 months old! I can't even imagine what the years to come are going to bring my way.
So here I am, in this transition of moving on and adjusting to a new normal. Its rough, its exhausting and its a total mix of emotions but I have to admit it is also a lot of fun. Watching this amazing little thing that we created and that I freaking grew in my belly for 9 months start talking, and having an imagination and his own personality is just mind blowing. I just pray that God gives me the wisdom and strength to raise this little monster into the man that God has called him to be. I also pray that I am strong enough, and patient enough to remember to focus of the important things in life so that I may become the mother, wife and woman God has planned and needs me to become.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
The Negativity Monster
Negativity. It surrounds us on a daily basis in a variety of ways. Bombarding us in the most likely and unlikely of ways. Wake up in the morning and BOOM, simply waking up causes the negativity to start flowing in our minds, or maybe we are having a great day and that one little inconveniently placed person we run into just rubs us the wrong way.
It seems unfair to me that our minds can run away with untrue thoughts and self doubts that are completely exaggerated or pushed upon us by someones bad attitude. The older I get the more I understand and accept that I can only control myself, my own attitude, thoughts and reactions, but I also need to remember that those choices regarding my own personal stuff directly effects anyone I am in contact with. When I was a teenager if I was in a bad mood, or tired or simply irritated the whole world would know it and that's the way I wanted it to be. Everyone knows what I am talking about, you have met people like this. The type of person who no matter what some one does, says or doesn't say or do this negative person is going to be one big sour puss and they are going to make sure everyone with in a 20 mile radius is aware of their negativity, grouchiness, disapproval, or impatience...what ever the case may be.
Without throwing anyone I love under the bus lets just say, I've been around theses types of people for basically my entire life and have learned how to conduct myself in the face of the negativity monster. The hardest part is not believing our own lies that we create in our minds or that we let people speak into our minds.
When I am feeling really down on myself or super negative I try to have this mental talk with myself. Most the time I write it down on paper or type it out because its like free therapy in my opinion. I will sit down and just think for awhile and I let my self brag and boast and talk myself up like I never ever would to anyone face. I will find all the areas in my life that I am beyond proud of, that I know I succeed in. I will look in the mirror at the favorite part of my body and just go on and on about how fabulous I am. Now, I realize no one is perfect...everyone has flaw. But you can't sit here and tell me there is ONE thing you like about yourself or are proud of in your life. Focus on that, build on that and completely immerse yourself in the positivity of the amazing uniqueness of yourself.
Call me corny, or totally cheesy but it works. I'll give you an example....only because I am trusting that no one will judging me on writing about myself. haha When I'm having a day where I feel like everything is wrong, and I have no patience and Im tired and don't want to do anything. I will sit at my computer with some nice soft relaxing music and remind myself I am twenty three years old. Only twenty three! What twenty three year old has a husband and a 2 year old and maintains a steady job, exercises regularly, cooks, cleans (everything), does laundry, pays the bills, keeps her husband happy, her son happy, her family happy, her friends happy and I just keep going on and on focusing on the things I am proud of and why I do them.
This is where you have to be careful its so easy for me to say "Well I'm sure there are other 23 year old women who do more, who has 2 or 3 kids and works FULL TIME and blah blah...." NO! NO! NO! STOP! We aren't talking about other women, or other people or anything. We are talking about you...your personal accomplishments and awesomeness. Do not allow yourself to go on a comparing rampage. You will feel 10 times worse. Allow yourself to soak in positivity, its all about the mindset. Its all about your attitude.
If you choose to be positive it makes a world of a difference in your entire life. You relationships with people, and the way you go about accomplishing your goals and aspirations.
Please know that all of this is all very new for myself as well so I can't talk as if I am an expert but I will tell you what the past 4 years of my life are living proof that if you choose your own attitude and positivity and how are you are going to work at things daily, that your life can completely change. You don't have to be a slave to negativity. God gives you the tools to change your life and your attitude, use them.
It seems unfair to me that our minds can run away with untrue thoughts and self doubts that are completely exaggerated or pushed upon us by someones bad attitude. The older I get the more I understand and accept that I can only control myself, my own attitude, thoughts and reactions, but I also need to remember that those choices regarding my own personal stuff directly effects anyone I am in contact with. When I was a teenager if I was in a bad mood, or tired or simply irritated the whole world would know it and that's the way I wanted it to be. Everyone knows what I am talking about, you have met people like this. The type of person who no matter what some one does, says or doesn't say or do this negative person is going to be one big sour puss and they are going to make sure everyone with in a 20 mile radius is aware of their negativity, grouchiness, disapproval, or impatience...what ever the case may be.
Without throwing anyone I love under the bus lets just say, I've been around theses types of people for basically my entire life and have learned how to conduct myself in the face of the negativity monster. The hardest part is not believing our own lies that we create in our minds or that we let people speak into our minds.
When I am feeling really down on myself or super negative I try to have this mental talk with myself. Most the time I write it down on paper or type it out because its like free therapy in my opinion. I will sit down and just think for awhile and I let my self brag and boast and talk myself up like I never ever would to anyone face. I will find all the areas in my life that I am beyond proud of, that I know I succeed in. I will look in the mirror at the favorite part of my body and just go on and on about how fabulous I am. Now, I realize no one is perfect...everyone has flaw. But you can't sit here and tell me there is ONE thing you like about yourself or are proud of in your life. Focus on that, build on that and completely immerse yourself in the positivity of the amazing uniqueness of yourself.
Call me corny, or totally cheesy but it works. I'll give you an example....only because I am trusting that no one will judging me on writing about myself. haha When I'm having a day where I feel like everything is wrong, and I have no patience and Im tired and don't want to do anything. I will sit at my computer with some nice soft relaxing music and remind myself I am twenty three years old. Only twenty three! What twenty three year old has a husband and a 2 year old and maintains a steady job, exercises regularly, cooks, cleans (everything), does laundry, pays the bills, keeps her husband happy, her son happy, her family happy, her friends happy and I just keep going on and on focusing on the things I am proud of and why I do them.
This is where you have to be careful its so easy for me to say "Well I'm sure there are other 23 year old women who do more, who has 2 or 3 kids and works FULL TIME and blah blah...." NO! NO! NO! STOP! We aren't talking about other women, or other people or anything. We are talking about you...your personal accomplishments and awesomeness. Do not allow yourself to go on a comparing rampage. You will feel 10 times worse. Allow yourself to soak in positivity, its all about the mindset. Its all about your attitude.
If you choose to be positive it makes a world of a difference in your entire life. You relationships with people, and the way you go about accomplishing your goals and aspirations.
Please know that all of this is all very new for myself as well so I can't talk as if I am an expert but I will tell you what the past 4 years of my life are living proof that if you choose your own attitude and positivity and how are you are going to work at things daily, that your life can completely change. You don't have to be a slave to negativity. God gives you the tools to change your life and your attitude, use them.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Sunshine and Christmas Decorations!
Its December already! I can't believe it and what I can't believe even more than that is...there is NO SNOW in northern Michigan yet. How insane is that. Notice the new layout...that's snowy enough for me :) Jacob and I were talking yesterday about how incredibly awesome it would be if we only had 2-3 months of snow this year (completely unlikely) but hey we can dream right?
Well I already decorated the house for Christmas, which for me is huge! Its only December 5th!!! Normally I throw something together on Christmas Eve and then get irritated that I didn't do anything sooner. We just need our tree and we will be all set! Such a sense of accomplishment and pride. I love knowing that simple little things make my heart sing with contentment. The fact that the laundry is done, the dishes are scarce (oh don't judge yours aren't always finished either) and the house is picked up and decorated makes me just smile at my hard work.
I am not one of those people who magically have a perfect house all day, everyday. Its something I work at very very hard on a constant basis. You know those crazy people who can't go 30 minutes with their house in upheaval, or the type who follow their kids around cleaning up as they play....yeah well I'm not that type of mom, or person. I love love love a clean organized house, and chances are I will be very irritable and a bit frazzled if it's not picked up but for some reason that still doesn't magically keep my house looking nice 24/7.
I figure sometimes a messy house is a happy house. I love the quote "Don't mind the mess, we are busy making memories" That perfectly describes me and my family :)
God has been teaching me this small things is quiet ways lately. So quiet in fact, that until I sat down to write and I took the time to think, I barely recognized it. He is slowly, and quietly teaching me that in order to be a better wife, a better mother and a better person I need to take the time for myself. That doesn't mean I need to go on a spa day once a month or go on a shopping spree all for myself. He is showing me that it means taking care of myself in the smallest ways. I need to get enough rest, and make time to exercise and most importantly make Him and His word part of my DAILY not weekly routine.
All of that seems so simple but its so easy for me to get distracted by things that appear to be more important or fun at the time. Spending 2 hours on facebook, pinterest, netflix and other things on my computer can definitely be cut back to hmm...30mins or so and free up a lot of important time for other things that are better for me.
Sleep has been a big issue for me, I always know I need more but always fool myself into thinking I'll be fine without it. The truth of the matter is if I don't take the time to sleep it makes me more impatient which in turn makes me into no fun to be around...so I'm being unfair to Asher, Jacob and anyone else who crosses my path when I'm over tired.
If I dont' take the time to immerse myself in God's word daily then I am setting myself up to be attacked by satan himself. He will take full advantage of the fact I am vulnerable.
So there is my little snippet of what I've been learning lately. and now my friends, its time to eat my newly discovered favorite food (Japanese rice) and spend some time with the big guy upstairs while Asher boy is napping.
Hey go crack your Bible open, I promise you won't regret it :) Oh and Listen to the song "Give me faith" by Elevation Worship--its the video above :D
Love and peace.
Well I already decorated the house for Christmas, which for me is huge! Its only December 5th!!! Normally I throw something together on Christmas Eve and then get irritated that I didn't do anything sooner. We just need our tree and we will be all set! Such a sense of accomplishment and pride. I love knowing that simple little things make my heart sing with contentment. The fact that the laundry is done, the dishes are scarce (oh don't judge yours aren't always finished either) and the house is picked up and decorated makes me just smile at my hard work.
I am not one of those people who magically have a perfect house all day, everyday. Its something I work at very very hard on a constant basis. You know those crazy people who can't go 30 minutes with their house in upheaval, or the type who follow their kids around cleaning up as they play....yeah well I'm not that type of mom, or person. I love love love a clean organized house, and chances are I will be very irritable and a bit frazzled if it's not picked up but for some reason that still doesn't magically keep my house looking nice 24/7.
I figure sometimes a messy house is a happy house. I love the quote "Don't mind the mess, we are busy making memories" That perfectly describes me and my family :)
God has been teaching me this small things is quiet ways lately. So quiet in fact, that until I sat down to write and I took the time to think, I barely recognized it. He is slowly, and quietly teaching me that in order to be a better wife, a better mother and a better person I need to take the time for myself. That doesn't mean I need to go on a spa day once a month or go on a shopping spree all for myself. He is showing me that it means taking care of myself in the smallest ways. I need to get enough rest, and make time to exercise and most importantly make Him and His word part of my DAILY not weekly routine.
All of that seems so simple but its so easy for me to get distracted by things that appear to be more important or fun at the time. Spending 2 hours on facebook, pinterest, netflix and other things on my computer can definitely be cut back to hmm...30mins or so and free up a lot of important time for other things that are better for me.
Sleep has been a big issue for me, I always know I need more but always fool myself into thinking I'll be fine without it. The truth of the matter is if I don't take the time to sleep it makes me more impatient which in turn makes me into no fun to be around...so I'm being unfair to Asher, Jacob and anyone else who crosses my path when I'm over tired.
If I dont' take the time to immerse myself in God's word daily then I am setting myself up to be attacked by satan himself. He will take full advantage of the fact I am vulnerable.
So there is my little snippet of what I've been learning lately. and now my friends, its time to eat my newly discovered favorite food (Japanese rice) and spend some time with the big guy upstairs while Asher boy is napping.
Love and peace.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
I'll always be different, and I perfectly okay with that!
"Don't be be a quitter Amber"
That phrase has been repeated to me dozens of times through out my 23 years of life. Reading that small yet powerful sentence really unlocks some deep seated emotions inside myself. "Don't be a quitter"....I understand why it was said to me every time it slipped pasted some ones lips; but I don't think those individuals understood how those words sit inside of me. I know I see the world differently than most. In times when people, family, friends who all love and and are simply trying to motivate me by saying don't quit...its not the fact that I'm quitting something. I see things differently.
I am a straight shooter, always have been and it continues to get worse as I get older. Some would consider this being "bitchy" others would consider it standing up for myself. I will honestly admit, I have my moments where I don't come across they way I would to (hence the bitchy allegations) but most of the time its just me. I am either expressing how I feel, my opinions, beliefs and point of view. Yes, its true I tend to do this in an emotional way some times but hey I am a passionate person and I don't think that's a bad thing.
There are several things I've tried or started in my life and by all definition of the situation it would appear as if I quit them. I played baseball for 7 years then quit, I played tons of instruments ranging from piano, to drums and even the flute. I played basketball, soccer and tennis...all of which people would say I quit. I've taken a total of 4/5 semesters of college....and completed 1. The list goes on and on of things I have started and not finished aka "quit". I have countless memories of my dad telling me "Don't be a quitter".
This is where I finally get to clear the air....explain my point of view and possible get a few people off my back about "quitting". hehehe. As I said before I am a passionate person. I love hard, I fight hard. I work hard and procrastinate like a champ. If I am not passionate about something either in a positive or negative manner I don't think its worth having in my life. Lukewarm is very very uncomfortable for me. I am either red hot or freezing cold. I feel very intensely and strong about my family. I will do anything necessary to provide for them, care for them, love them, and defend them. I am red hot for my family. Things like basketball or playing the flute never held significant importance to me. I wasn't passionate about them. I never HATED them but I never LOVED them. It was a matter of I'll do it but it won't be my 100% and that's where I know I think differently from most people. Its not worth doing if you don't do it to the very best of your ability and life is way to short to put your energy into doing something 100% if you don't enjoy it. There are a bazillion other choices in the world.
I know a lot of people are not going to agree with me in this next paragraph and I know that it might even irritate some of you, but I've never been afraid to do that before :) So deal with it, or don't read it.
When it comes to college....I hate it. I hate it with a fiery passion of intense proportions. Can I do it? YES of course. I am a very intelligent person and I promise you if I put all my effort into it; I could ace every class it takes to get a bachelors or masters degree. Now here's the part that pisses people off. I DON'T WANT TO. Yeah, yeah...I hear you screaming at the screen saying "No one WANTS to do it Amber." Well then its their decision and my decision whether or not we just do it....or "quit". I'd much rather spend my time and energy on things I love and that I am passionate about and I know that anything I want to do in life. I WILL DO, with or without a college degree. At this point in my life I am a young wife and mother, not everyone agreed with my decision to do that but can I please ask you to stop and think. If you know me for the person I am in life outside of this blog answer this question. What kind of mother and wife am I? How hard do I work? I will toot my own horn until the sunrises in this instance because I know my potential and my values. I am an amazing mother, and a dedicated wife. Everything I do is in direct correlation to better my family and myself. I make sure to work extremely hard towards raising an amazing human being while becoming one myself. I choose to work so hard on my marriage every single day when its the LAST THING I want to do sometimes.
For those of you who tell me college will make me into the person I want or need to be, STOP! For those of you who judge me for how early I decided to start my family life, STOP! For those of you who think I have so much potential to be something more and great, STOP!
I am exactly where I want and need to be. I am working so hard every second of every day to be the wife, mother, daughter, friend and person I want to become. Just because its not what you want or what you value means nothing to me. Stop and really see me, for me. I am happy, I am content and yes I work part time at a coffee shop making $8.50/hr...but guess what I LOVE EVERY SINGLE SECOND of every single day of my life and I wouldn't change it for the world. Please don't worry about me because for once in my life, I have ME under control fully and completely. :)
That phrase has been repeated to me dozens of times through out my 23 years of life. Reading that small yet powerful sentence really unlocks some deep seated emotions inside myself. "Don't be a quitter"....I understand why it was said to me every time it slipped pasted some ones lips; but I don't think those individuals understood how those words sit inside of me. I know I see the world differently than most. In times when people, family, friends who all love and and are simply trying to motivate me by saying don't quit...its not the fact that I'm quitting something. I see things differently.
I am a straight shooter, always have been and it continues to get worse as I get older. Some would consider this being "bitchy" others would consider it standing up for myself. I will honestly admit, I have my moments where I don't come across they way I would to (hence the bitchy allegations) but most of the time its just me. I am either expressing how I feel, my opinions, beliefs and point of view. Yes, its true I tend to do this in an emotional way some times but hey I am a passionate person and I don't think that's a bad thing.
There are several things I've tried or started in my life and by all definition of the situation it would appear as if I quit them. I played baseball for 7 years then quit, I played tons of instruments ranging from piano, to drums and even the flute. I played basketball, soccer and tennis...all of which people would say I quit. I've taken a total of 4/5 semesters of college....and completed 1. The list goes on and on of things I have started and not finished aka "quit". I have countless memories of my dad telling me "Don't be a quitter".
This is where I finally get to clear the air....explain my point of view and possible get a few people off my back about "quitting". hehehe. As I said before I am a passionate person. I love hard, I fight hard. I work hard and procrastinate like a champ. If I am not passionate about something either in a positive or negative manner I don't think its worth having in my life. Lukewarm is very very uncomfortable for me. I am either red hot or freezing cold. I feel very intensely and strong about my family. I will do anything necessary to provide for them, care for them, love them, and defend them. I am red hot for my family. Things like basketball or playing the flute never held significant importance to me. I wasn't passionate about them. I never HATED them but I never LOVED them. It was a matter of I'll do it but it won't be my 100% and that's where I know I think differently from most people. Its not worth doing if you don't do it to the very best of your ability and life is way to short to put your energy into doing something 100% if you don't enjoy it. There are a bazillion other choices in the world.
I know a lot of people are not going to agree with me in this next paragraph and I know that it might even irritate some of you, but I've never been afraid to do that before :) So deal with it, or don't read it.
When it comes to college....I hate it. I hate it with a fiery passion of intense proportions. Can I do it? YES of course. I am a very intelligent person and I promise you if I put all my effort into it; I could ace every class it takes to get a bachelors or masters degree. Now here's the part that pisses people off. I DON'T WANT TO. Yeah, yeah...I hear you screaming at the screen saying "No one WANTS to do it Amber." Well then its their decision and my decision whether or not we just do it....or "quit". I'd much rather spend my time and energy on things I love and that I am passionate about and I know that anything I want to do in life. I WILL DO, with or without a college degree. At this point in my life I am a young wife and mother, not everyone agreed with my decision to do that but can I please ask you to stop and think. If you know me for the person I am in life outside of this blog answer this question. What kind of mother and wife am I? How hard do I work? I will toot my own horn until the sunrises in this instance because I know my potential and my values. I am an amazing mother, and a dedicated wife. Everything I do is in direct correlation to better my family and myself. I make sure to work extremely hard towards raising an amazing human being while becoming one myself. I choose to work so hard on my marriage every single day when its the LAST THING I want to do sometimes.
For those of you who tell me college will make me into the person I want or need to be, STOP! For those of you who judge me for how early I decided to start my family life, STOP! For those of you who think I have so much potential to be something more and great, STOP!
I am exactly where I want and need to be. I am working so hard every second of every day to be the wife, mother, daughter, friend and person I want to become. Just because its not what you want or what you value means nothing to me. Stop and really see me, for me. I am happy, I am content and yes I work part time at a coffee shop making $8.50/hr...but guess what I LOVE EVERY SINGLE SECOND of every single day of my life and I wouldn't change it for the world. Please don't worry about me because for once in my life, I have ME under control fully and completely. :)
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