Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I'll always be different, and I perfectly okay with that!

"Don't be be a quitter Amber"

That phrase has been repeated to me dozens of times through out my 23 years of life. Reading that small yet powerful sentence really unlocks some deep seated emotions inside myself. "Don't be a quitter"....I understand why it was said to me every time it slipped pasted some ones lips; but I don't think those individuals understood how those words sit inside of me. I know I see the world differently than most. In times when people, family, friends who all love and and are simply trying to motivate me by saying don't quit...its not the fact that I'm quitting something. I see things differently.

I am a straight shooter, always have been and it continues to get worse as I get older. Some would consider this being "bitchy" others would consider it standing up for myself. I will honestly admit, I have my moments where I don't come across they way I would to (hence the bitchy allegations) but most of the time its just me. I am either expressing how I feel, my opinions, beliefs and point of view. Yes, its true I tend to do this in an emotional way some times but hey I am a passionate person and I don't think that's a bad thing.

There are several things I've tried or started in my life and by all definition of the situation it would appear as if I quit them. I played baseball for 7 years then quit, I played tons of instruments ranging from piano, to drums and even the flute. I played basketball, soccer and tennis...all of which people would say I quit. I've taken a total of 4/5 semesters of college....and completed 1. The list goes on and on of things I have started and not finished aka "quit". I have countless memories of my dad telling me "Don't be a quitter".

This is where I finally get to clear the air....explain my point of view and possible get a few people off my back about "quitting". hehehe. As I said before I am a passionate person. I love hard, I fight hard. I work hard and procrastinate like a champ. If I am not passionate about something either in a positive or negative manner I don't think its worth having in my life. Lukewarm is very very uncomfortable for me. I am either red hot or freezing cold. I feel very intensely and strong about my family. I will do anything necessary to provide for them, care for them, love them, and defend them. I am red hot for my family. Things like basketball or playing the flute never held significant importance to me. I wasn't passionate about them. I never HATED them but I never LOVED them. It was a matter of I'll do it but it won't be my 100% and that's where I know I think differently from most people. Its not worth doing if you don't do it to the very best of your ability and life is way to short to put your energy into doing something 100% if you don't enjoy it. There are a bazillion other choices in the world.

I know a lot of people are not going to agree with me in this next paragraph and I know that it might even irritate some of you, but I've never been afraid to do that before :) So deal with it, or don't read it.

When it comes to college....I hate it. I hate it with a fiery passion of intense proportions. Can I do it? YES of course. I am a very intelligent person and I promise you if I put all my effort into it; I could ace every class it takes to get a bachelors or masters degree. Now here's the part that pisses people off. I DON'T WANT TO. Yeah, yeah...I hear you screaming at the screen saying "No one WANTS to do it Amber." Well then its their decision and my decision whether or not we just do it....or "quit". I'd much rather spend my time and energy on things I love and that I am passionate about and I know that anything I want to do in life. I WILL DO, with or without a college degree. At this point in my life I am a young wife and mother, not everyone agreed with my decision to do that but can I please ask you to stop and think. If you know me for the person I am in life outside of this blog answer this question. What kind of mother and wife am I? How hard do I work? I will toot my own horn until the sunrises in this instance because I know my potential and my values. I am an amazing mother, and a dedicated wife. Everything I do is in direct correlation to better my family and myself. I make sure to work extremely hard towards raising an amazing human being while becoming one myself. I choose to work so hard on my marriage every single day when its the LAST THING I want to do sometimes.

For those of you who tell me college will make me into the person I want or need to be, STOP! For those of you who judge me for how early I decided to start my family life, STOP! For those of you who think I have so much potential to be something more and great, STOP!

I am exactly where I want and need to be. I am working so hard every second of every day to be the wife, mother, daughter, friend and person I want to become. Just because its not what you want or what you value means nothing to me. Stop and really see me, for me. I am happy, I am content and yes I work part time at a coffee shop making $8.50/hr...but guess what I LOVE EVERY SINGLE SECOND of every single day of my life and I wouldn't change it for the world. Please don't worry about me because for once in my life, I have ME under control fully and completely. :)