Sunday, June 28, 2015

Take off the poop-colored glasses

Instead of seeing the wonderful, creative, colorful scribbles of my toddler; I simply get angered and annoyed that I left my current book I am attempting to read in the presence of a crayon wielding, pint size artist who thinks anything with paper qualifies as her canvas. *deep breath* Today I chose to see the beautiful. I look into myself, my own attitude and my own sense of gratitude and appreciate the small things. When I loose sight of those small things my entire world changes. Today I intentionally choose to stop, slow down and truly value the things that matter. Life is messy, chaotic and down right stressful...if we allow ourselves to get swept away.

Here on this gorgeous rain soaked yet some what sunny Sunday morning I'm realizing, like many times before, that I don't have to keep up this illusion of a crazy, chaotic, hectic, yet dull, "go-go-go" type of lifestyle. I want to blame moving to the east coast for this weird ever looming pressure of fast paced insanity but I don't think that would be fully fair even if it is slightly true. I think its poop-colored glasses. Yes, you read that right....poop-colored glasses. You know how people say you're looking at the world through rose-colored glasses? Typically its an insult meaning your being naive or only seeing one side of the situation. Enter in poop-colored glasses. See where I'm going with this? Once we pick up and put on these disgusting specs our world changes whether we notice it or not. Things that were once colorful, magnificent and diverse appear dingy, dark, and down right right nasty. We get stuck in this pattern of seeing everything as poop...and that's really shitty. pun fully intended.

I challenge all of  us to see the world through rose-colored glasses. I mean would it be such a horrible to thing to have a positive outlook as your default mode? To think that a toy filled floor means happy kids? and a kitchen of dirty dishes means we have lots of good food to eat? Even think of things like car trouble, which we all know is a huge inconvenience, as a blessing because we have a car and we have places or a job that we need to get to. A grateful heart, a positive outlook and time to slow down and breathe allows the soul the reevaluate. Take off the poop-colored glasses and see the world for what it really is- stunning, lovely, magnificent, and unbelievably wonderful. You're going to miss it, you're going to regret it. Stop. Slow. ENJOY. Today only happens once and you can never have it back.

I will get back to reading my now very colorful, artistically designed book. Who wants just plain white pages anyways?

Friday, May 24, 2013

Pushing through my jumbled mind

I cant even begin to explain how often my mind sits and contemplates the idea of inspiration or creativity and creativeness. I've actually never considered myself a creative person. It was always a trait I wanted to obtain and work towards. I have this unbelievable deep seated desire to help people, change the world and leave some sort of legacy. I want to be irreplaceable and in my mind to become irreplaceable and leave a legacy I must inspire and be creative. I'm starting to question if that is entirely true. Do I put to much pressure on my own "creative process" by put restraints on myself? By telling myself I'm not creative enough or I need to inspired in order to create? I've said this before but I'll say it again I'm beginning to learn that inspiration and creating just doesn't happen. It doesn't just strike although I do have moments where I feel like that is the case. Overall inspiration and creativity are just things I need to continue to do. Any time I take the time to write, blog, or just critically think that is creative, that is inspired. My mind is growing whether or not other people are appreciating or benefiting. The purpose of engaging my mind shouldn't be directed only so others will notice, benefit or appreciate. It should be at times a very personal thing, for me and me only.

I've always used writing as therapy, and to organize my thoughts but maybe its time to broaden my horizons. I think its time for me to have other outlets of creativity. Infact, Im going to go do that now and although this is an abrupt ending that's all I have for today. Its me time. 

Thursday, January 10, 2013

My Journey of Inspiration

I find myself wondering and contemplating inspiration and how on earth I can possibly maintain it or if I am even suppose to maintain such a state? For if I was constantly inspired it would no longer qualify as inspiration- would it? Inspiration is easily defined as "arousal of the mind to special activity or creativity". My mind then questions the definition of creativity. The dictionary says it's "the ability to create" and frankly that seems useless to me. I mean what is creativity and why do certain things, for certain people, at certain times incite inspiration and why doesn't inspiration lead to creativity? I realize I sound ridiculously redundant but my brain is flowing. Or wait... is it inspiration and creativity are flowing on to the page without my conscious consent? What a crazy concept to try and wrap my head around.

Sometimes I consider if I want to be inspired simply so that I may inspire others. To what exactly? I'm not sure, but I am fully aware that one of my core desires is to create or facilitate inspiration of or to others. The idea that some one gains something from my writing or my sharing is one of the sole purposes behind me doing so. In fact the idea of someone valuing my writing and contributions inspires and excites me to never quit. Even though I don't know the purpose or understand why, who or even what I'm writing about. It's always something I come back to and it's always something I want to share. Not for my own selfish gain or praise but because I want to have an effect, a true contribution that only I can make.

I find myself wondering if in my lifetime something will come of this passion for writing. Or if like Emily Dickinson and my true value will only be recognized once I'm gone. Either way- will I make a difference? or at least hold value? Does someone relate, resonate and desire my feelings and opinions? I can only hope!

I find myself pushing lately. Pushing into a deeper intellectually simulating side of life. A place I've been afraid to travel to because of fear of inadequacy, rejection and failure. I am no longer afraid to fail. In fact how can you fail when your pushing, learning and improving? Thats not failure- it's growth! A completely necessary part of gaining meaning, purpose, knowledge and value. 2013 is bringing big things and not because its a new year...because I have decided to show up to my own life in a brand new way. It's time to truly discover the woman God has set apart for me to become.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Back and in Charm City!

Never thought I would ever say this but I have started a new journey, and where has it taken me? Charm City aka Baltimore, Maryland. Shocking? Yes I know, I myself still wake up thinking I'm on some strange vacation in which I brought my entire house and life with me instead of escaping it all. We have not been here extremely long but just long enough to where you would think reality should have set in and I would have realized I'm ACTUALLY living here now. Yet, I still find myself oddly comfortable with the idea that this is temporary. Maybe its my crazy way of coping, actually not maybe I guarantee this is my way of coping with everything. There will come a day when it all hits me like a ton a bricks, I'm sure of it, but until said day I'll just on going about my unpacking and usual mommy/wifely duties.

We found a great place to rent here. A nice quiet, family oriented townhouse development outside of the major downtown area yet conveniently close to absolutely everything. Its the biggest place I've ever lived and despite how old it is, I'm LOVING the space. 3 stories, 4 bedrooms and 3 1/2 baths sounds like a made up dream home I would have fainted over 2 years ago. Now I call this historic diamond in the rough my home! It needs some serious work, but now that I'm a stay at home mom again I can devote some time to truly turning this into the house I've always wanted. I can paint, and re-decorate...pretty much anything I want :) It will definitely keep me busy not that Asher doesn't do that already.

One thing I am very excited about is being able to be home with Asher and do lots of fun projects with him and hobbies I have been wanting to start but not feeling like I had adequate time for. Now if only I could magically get this house unpack and in order. Oh and CLEAN, it was more than filthy when we moved in. Never fun to clean other peoples dirt but hey, we got the house we wanted. So its going to be worth it.

Now that I have even more people that want to keep in touch since we are over 700 miles away; I will be doing my best to stay consistent with blogging. Should be easier now that I am not working outside of the house. Keep your fingers crossed.

All my love to Michigan.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Big Changes

Big things are happening around the Holcomb household. Things I wish I could divulge a little more information about but as for now they need to stay a mystery. Before too long I will be able to spill the beans but right now its more about prayer and decision making. Please please add us to your prayer list because life altering decisions will be made within the next week or two.

I'm starting to realize just how much I dislike, well lets rephrase much I HATE making such big decisions. The process of the back and forth, the pros and cons and all the emotion that gets poured into big decisions just sucks the energy and life out me. Or so it feels. Its a crazy roller coaster of back and forth and back and this, hate that. I'm so tired of feeling like a flip-flop. I have such unrest about both sides of this. I think no matter what decision is made I'm probably not going to enjoy the out come. That's where I know my God will come along side me and give me peace but I just wish I could fast forward everything and get to that point. I know He is with me even now during this exhausting process but to honest it doesn't make it much easier. Which God never promised life would be easy, He just promised we wouldn't be tested with more than we can handle and He will never let us go at it alone. 

I guess this post today is me working through these feelings of unrest and reminding myself that even though I'm not exactly happy about all of this...I know it will work out. It always does. I even start to question if we make a bigger deal out of the "big decisions" in life than we really need to. I mean yeah it may not be something to take lightly but we believe God is in control and He ultimately will guide our path and protect us and be with us why should we stress and make such a huge deal out of it? So it doesn't work out....God's got it. Maybe it works out flawlessly...God's got that too. I know this could insanely hard but I can't help but stop and take a step back and stop listening to all of the human answers and think maybe it will be insanely easy. Or at the very least be insanely hard but completely worth it.

I can't sit here and think that one side is good and one is bad. I mean one is more comfortable and the other is a stretch that's obvious but is a stretch a bad thing? I've always been an optimist so maybe this is just my positive nature coming out but  I choose to believe that all thing....ALL THINGS work together for good. God tells us so. So why not buckle up, hang on and go for one hell of ride? God's got this right?

Well, there we have it ladies and gents....once again blogging has helped establish and reset my mumble jumble of a brain and thinking patterns. Its all going to be okay, no matter what happens. It won't be the end of the world. Just a new chapter in this huge book known as my life. I'm a free spirit and my soul is so can I not put this in God's hands and make the best of every situation?

Look out world, I got my Jesus and my optimist smile...Its all going to be okay. A few tears? maybe...but its going to be okay. I KNOW IT.

 I'll leave my current fav song. This song just describes my heart though this process and all the time really but more so recently. I know I can't do this alone.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Lifelong learning

Yesterday I went to church and while I was sitting there alone, wishing my husband wasn't curled up in bed; I started to realize just how much God has been working in my life. I've always been independent as Ive talked about several times in this blog but I don't know if I have ever explained that I don't always ENJOY being independent. Not only am I independent and rather stubborn at times I am also an extremely social person. When I was younger there was nothing worse then being alone, or doing something alone and heaven forbid I ever had to go somewhere (like church) alone.

I am now finding that God has been teaching me to cherish my alone time, or semi-alone considering Asher is obviously attached to my hip. To imagine myself 4 years ago sitting alone in church and actually enjoy it seems impossible. I am telling you its the little things God works in and through. Doing things alone may not seem like a big deal to other but for me it was learning about contentment and quietness and embracing the time and using it wisely instead of wasting it wishing I was doing something fun with a friend.

This definitely ties back into why I am no longer on facebook. I feel like a lot of people use facebook as a crutch or an excuse, which it is so easy to do. They don't have to go out and see people or call and talk because everyone has facebook. But I am srry facebook is just so....impersonal but also (depending on the person) way too personal. I never needed to know some peoples ENTIRE daily schedule with constant status updates and "check-ins" all day long. Stalker much?

I am so glad I am one of few who still values true friendship and communication. Trust me, computer to computer is NO way to spend a friendship.

I also have really become to value my time and become more thankful for the way my days are set out without feeling the need to be connected. I am now taking maybe 20-40 minutes spread out through out the day to check my email and write on my blog....instead of hours and hours and hours with facebook just chillin in the background.

I know, I know I could show some self restraint in this department and just NOT get on facebook but like I said there are many other reasons why facebook is no longer in my list of interests.

Well I guess this is my little note for the day, I'll leave you with a picture of Mr Adorable and his new craft supplies we bought while shopping today.

Sun soaked cheeks and Happy Shrieks!

Friday, July 13, 2012

Oh the fun I create!!!

So here's the story, as I walk to my car from the grocery store I noticed a bright red car next to mine that's littered with multiple "Obama" stickers.... This picture is how I respond to such outrageous idiocy.

Ps. This is all in good fun :)