Monday, September 5, 2011

The things mom and dad don't tell you about

This commences my new blogging schedule, and I am really excited about it. I have decided to start blogging every Monday and Thursday. I would love to hear what others want to read please please please comment your suggestions, thoughts and anything really. Comments are what keep me going, the encouragement is nice and seeing what interests my "readers" is always important.

I got a suggestion off of my facebook from my friend Elizabeth. She suggested the topic of marriage and I figured that would be a great topic to kick of my regular posting. Also, Elizabeth has her own blog click to check it out! I have to support my fellow bloggers, plus she has a great blog.

I have decided the perfect title to this post about marriage is "The things mom and dad don't tell you about". The reason why I picked that title is because in my own life and marriage that was the number one thing I found myself questioning and asking myself. How in the world did my parents NOT telling me about this? Don't get me wrong I'm not completely naive, I didn't go into my marriage or into my life thinking it would be perfect, easy or fun all the time; but in all honesty I'm shocked at some of the things that went undiscussed.

Let me give you a bit of background in case you don't know these things about me. I am currently 23 years of age, my husband is exactly 2 weeks older than me and our son turned 2 in June. Now back in 2007 Jacob (my husband) and I started dating and very, very quickly became engaged. As you can imagine not everyone, in fact a very select few people were actually excited about this news. We are all of 19 years old and of course everyone assumed we were jumping into things far to quickly. Jacob and I were sure of ourselves and knew wholeheartedly that we were not going into this engagement and ultimately marriage completely blind and ignorant. I can say that its fair to say that damn near every single person we knew questioned us at least once, whether it was to our face or behind our backs. We stayed strong and preserved knowing we had to make everyone else eat their words and realize we aren't just stupid teenagers making rash decisions.

So fast forward about a year later, well 10 months and I am in the midst of planning our wedding for the summer of 2009, when we get the shocking news that instead of having a wedding in June, we would be having a baby! We did not plan this mind you, and not that I need to defend myself, but I was on birth control. Jacob and I were overwhelmed with excitement yet frozen with fear. We always knew we wanted children and we knew we wanted them young but we didn't expect it THIS quickly. So here we go with round two of making everyone around us question everything we are doing. Of course the news of having a baby at 21 years old didn't excite most people at first, but once everyone realized how excited we were and  saw we are completely devoted to being the best parents we could be, things settled down and new life brought excitement. Jacob and I quickly decided we wanted to be married before the baby came and had a nice, quiet and intimate wedding in February of 2009 and our son was born shortly after in June 2009.

Okay, so now that you have a bit of background on mine and Jacob's past and decided to keep reading this long winded post...I'll get to the good stuff.

When Jacob and I got married, I knew marriage was not easy. I knew that I would have to work at it, but there was a lot that honestly I didn't know about. I was rather upset that my mom or no one for that matter failed to mention such things, or maybe I failed to notice/listen. Here is my list and this is just off the top of my head, I'm sure if I kept a true list I could add to it daily. Haha.

 Things I never knew about marriage:

  • Marriage is a mirror
  • As women/mothers we have are own special cross to bear
  • You will argue about the most meaningless things as if they are life and death.
  • Marriage is not fair, don't ever think it is.
  • You will never understand the true meaning of sacrifice and compromise until your married or/and have children.
  • You get sick of being married some times...ITS NORMAL.
  • You always, ALWAYS have to work at marriage.
  • Love is a VERB, not a feeling.
That list could go on and on for days...and I originally wanted to write about each one of those topics but when I started to do that I realized I could easily write a blog post about each one of those things. So If you would like to me to expand on one or more of those topics just leave me a comment and I will make it a future post.

As you can see marriage is a forever learning process. I strongly believe our divorce rate is so high for multiple reasons but one of the main reasons is because people are to quickly to just quit at any sign of hardship thinking "marriage isn't suppose to be hard"....well I'm sorry friends but that is the biggest joke I've ever heard. If marriage wasn't suppose to be hard, than frankly, NO ONE would be married. Not a single person. Marriage is not perfect, its not always easy, or even fun. Its exhausting, strenuous, but it can push you and make you and mold you into not only an amazing person, but an amazing couple and family. God uses not only the big things but the smallest things to shape you into the person He created you to be. Through hardship and pain comes unbelievable reward, happiness and a love you will never find anywhere else. The way a husband loves his wife, and wife loves her husband is irreplaceable. 

I may complain about Jacob, I may get so furious with him that I can't even be in the same room as him, but until I am completely perfect, blemish free which will never be; I am only responsible for myself. In marriage it is so hard to focus on yourself and things you need to work on instead of just screaming and pointing the finger at the behaviors your spouse needs to correct. Let me just leave you with this verse for it is one I repeat daily in my head to remind myself of what God says about me pointing a finger.

This is from the message: I love the message because of its contemporary language. 

Matthew 7:1-5
"Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor" 

Here is the NIV
Matthew 7:1-5
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."


  1. love should always first and foremost be a verb

  2. YAH! Well said. Marriage is unbelievably hard, and even if we had been told all those things, in a way, it's impossible to understand or prepare until you're in the fight and experiencing it. But haven't you noticed that anything worth doing is usually extremely hard? The more difficult something is, the better the reward, and that is definitely true of marriage. It is the one thing I wish that everyone would get to experience, and yet, because of how insanely impossible it is, I don't know how most people do it, and I wouldn't blanket-statement recommend it for everyone.

    Derek and I received a bit of opposition as well before we got married, which was hard, but perhaps all that opposition is people trying in their way to warn us. It would probably have been better to teach rather than discourage, but I'm sure it's rather difficult to teach an unmarried person about marriage. There are a lot of things I wish I had been told as well, but learning them with my husband has also made us EXTREMELY close.

    Great post! If you're still looking for ideas, what about a cute list of reasons you love being married, or things about your husband? It would be a nice balance to this serious note, and it would be a great thing to go back and re-read when you want to kill hubby. >:D I know some bloggers who include in every post a certain number of things they're grateful for. If my blog was more text based I would do that. I bet it changes your whole outlook after awhile. For example I might put: "1. The way my husband defends marriage to his coworkers. 2. How he always forgets to knock before coming into the bathroom when I'm doing my makeup, almost murdering me with the door, so I have to jump out of the way. But then he remembers so he closes the door and knocks. lol!"
    Ahh those silly creatures we call husbands. Gotta' love `em.

  3. You are so right. As parents , we often fail to convey all the hopes, wishes and yes, concerns, to our kids. Marriage is incredibly hard work and parenthood is even tougher, but ooooh the sweetness is unbelievable....

    But, back to the point I wanted to make...parents don't always take the time to explain what we mean when we say things like, "Are you sure?", "you're too young to know what you're getting into", or if we sometimes seem less than enthusiastic, etc. I think that's what we mean. It's hard to REALLY see our children as adults and ready to take on all the challenges that comes with being a spouse and/or parents.

    Oh the tongs we would do differently, if only...

  4. Oh the things we would do differently...

    Love your blogs!