Saturday, September 10, 2011

I can do it myself, Im a big kid!

Uh oh, I feel as if I am a little child about to apologize to her parents....I know I told you I was posting Mondays and Wednesdays but I'll be honest this week I felt a little overwhelmed and I spent the majority of my week, working at the coffee shop in the morning, being mommy and cleaning in the afternoons then bust my little bum on homework once the lil monster eventually fell asleep. So I figured, homework took priority over my blog posts. I'm thinking most people will respect that decision. Sorry for the late post, hopefully I'll still post Monday as planned.

I love that way the smallest events influence and inspire my writings and not just that but my thought patterns as well. Five minutes ago Asher did something (for the millionth time) that made me stop and go, WOW God, I love the way you use him to show me things about you and about my relationship with you. Its so great the way I get a real life illustration of how God relates, loves and thinks of us. 

 I have always been an independent woman. Just ask my parents-- this developed at an extremely young age, from two years old and on I always believed I could do it myself or at least I would try my very hardest a couple hundred million times before admitting I may need a little bit of  help and guidance. This has always been my default thought process. "Oh I can do this, I don't need any help. I can figure this out no problem." I would want to everything even though I was obviously to little or young to do these things on my own. I was determined I could do them on my own or figure out a way to help myself. I could always pour my own drinks, I would want to dress myself, I didn't need mommy and daddy to do it. I can do it myself, I'm a big kid!

When I found out I was pregnant I remember my mother and I specifically laughing and joking about the fact that my child will most likely be JUST like me and then I could see it through the eyes of a parent and how difficult it is to step back and just let your child make mistakes. Well, guess what....we were right, Asher is identical to mommy (and daddy for that matter, Jacob is pretty independent as well). We created a mini-human that feels almost identical to us in nature. I never realized how incredibly hard and completely frustrating it must have been for my parents raising a strong independent mini woman. I sit here and watch Asher and think to myself "Oh little boy, don't just don't, it will save you so much trouble if you stop dropping you car  behind the couch". I can't resist saying something to him. I can't tell you how many times I've repeated to Asher "Hunny, let mommy help you please." and of course he refuses.

This morning as I am sitting here sipping my morning coffee and beginning what I thought would be a short, post about the funny things in marriage; Asher proceeds to take his juice cup and pull the lid off and spill it all down the front of himself. I chuckle because he is soaked and very upset that he spilled it all down his front. I tell him "You need to leave the lid on your juice hunny. You're too little to open it yourself, you'll spill it every time." I clean him up, get him some new clothes and more juice. Then not 3 minutes later what happens? He is screaming again I look back already knowing what I'm going to find. Juice, all down his front and this time on his face. I proceed to clean him up again and this time get a new screw-on-top cup and then hand it to him and say "Here is a new cup, guess you can't handle the other one yet." and it hits me. 

Imagine how God feels about us trying to do things by ourselves. I guarantee he knows we are going to spill it everywhere. He must stand there thinking, "I handed you this cup to see if you can handle the responsibility of it. If you use it correctly the way I gave it to you, you'll be fine. But if you take matters into your own hands and want the lid off because you think you can handle more well then its all going to fall apart and spill in your face." It makes me laugh to think God just sees just as little children learning things on our own when He is there to offer so much help, guidance and knowledge. We don't rely on him or ask him because we think we are big kids...all grown up. We don't need anyone's help! No wonder things don't go according to our plan. I'm sure there have been times in my life where God hands me a new "cup" because I couldn't handle the other one yet. It was too much for me to handle and I didn't listen to Him and His guidance so for my own good he had to take it away.

So here is my new prayer Lord. Teach me to use my cup that you give me. Help me to realize you have my best interest in mind--ALWAYS. I know I can't always do this alone, please Lord help me to know when I need you. That in everything I do, no matter how big or how small you are dying to be apart of it. You stand there watching, waiting, thinking "I'm just waiting for you to ask me to help you my love, I will make things easier. I will help in ways you don't even know will help." Thank you for being my daddy. Thank you for always being beside me just waiting for me to ask for help and honestly Lord thank you for not forcing me. You know my heart, you know the way I am for you created me. You know how important it is to me that your always there even when I think I don't need help. Even when I think I've got everything figured out. You're amazing Lord. Thank you for teaching me something new everyday. Amen.