Saturday, October 13, 2012

Back and in Charm City!

Never thought I would ever say this but I have started a new journey, and where has it taken me? Charm City aka Baltimore, Maryland. Shocking? Yes I know, I myself still wake up thinking I'm on some strange vacation in which I brought my entire house and life with me instead of escaping it all. We have not been here extremely long but just long enough to where you would think reality should have set in and I would have realized I'm ACTUALLY living here now. Yet, I still find myself oddly comfortable with the idea that this is temporary. Maybe its my crazy way of coping, actually not maybe I guarantee this is my way of coping with everything. There will come a day when it all hits me like a ton a bricks, I'm sure of it, but until said day I'll just on going about my unpacking and usual mommy/wifely duties.

We found a great place to rent here. A nice quiet, family oriented townhouse development outside of the major downtown area yet conveniently close to absolutely everything. Its the biggest place I've ever lived and despite how old it is, I'm LOVING the space. 3 stories, 4 bedrooms and 3 1/2 baths sounds like a made up dream home I would have fainted over 2 years ago. Now I call this historic diamond in the rough my home! It needs some serious work, but now that I'm a stay at home mom again I can devote some time to truly turning this into the house I've always wanted. I can paint, and re-decorate...pretty much anything I want :) It will definitely keep me busy not that Asher doesn't do that already.

One thing I am very excited about is being able to be home with Asher and do lots of fun projects with him and hobbies I have been wanting to start but not feeling like I had adequate time for. Now if only I could magically get this house unpack and in order. Oh and CLEAN, it was more than filthy when we moved in. Never fun to clean other peoples dirt but hey, we got the house we wanted. So its going to be worth it.

Now that I have even more people that want to keep in touch since we are over 700 miles away; I will be doing my best to stay consistent with blogging. Should be easier now that I am not working outside of the house. Keep your fingers crossed.

All my love to Michigan.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Big Changes

Big things are happening around the Holcomb household. Things I wish I could divulge a little more information about but as for now they need to stay a mystery. Before too long I will be able to spill the beans but right now its more about prayer and decision making. Please please add us to your prayer list because life altering decisions will be made within the next week or two.

I'm starting to realize just how much I dislike, well lets rephrase much I HATE making such big decisions. The process of the back and forth, the pros and cons and all the emotion that gets poured into big decisions just sucks the energy and life out me. Or so it feels. Its a crazy roller coaster of back and forth and back and this, hate that. I'm so tired of feeling like a flip-flop. I have such unrest about both sides of this. I think no matter what decision is made I'm probably not going to enjoy the out come. That's where I know my God will come along side me and give me peace but I just wish I could fast forward everything and get to that point. I know He is with me even now during this exhausting process but to honest it doesn't make it much easier. Which God never promised life would be easy, He just promised we wouldn't be tested with more than we can handle and He will never let us go at it alone. 

I guess this post today is me working through these feelings of unrest and reminding myself that even though I'm not exactly happy about all of this...I know it will work out. It always does. I even start to question if we make a bigger deal out of the "big decisions" in life than we really need to. I mean yeah it may not be something to take lightly but we believe God is in control and He ultimately will guide our path and protect us and be with us why should we stress and make such a huge deal out of it? So it doesn't work out....God's got it. Maybe it works out flawlessly...God's got that too. I know this could insanely hard but I can't help but stop and take a step back and stop listening to all of the human answers and think maybe it will be insanely easy. Or at the very least be insanely hard but completely worth it.

I can't sit here and think that one side is good and one is bad. I mean one is more comfortable and the other is a stretch that's obvious but is a stretch a bad thing? I've always been an optimist so maybe this is just my positive nature coming out but  I choose to believe that all thing....ALL THINGS work together for good. God tells us so. So why not buckle up, hang on and go for one hell of ride? God's got this right?

Well, there we have it ladies and gents....once again blogging has helped establish and reset my mumble jumble of a brain and thinking patterns. Its all going to be okay, no matter what happens. It won't be the end of the world. Just a new chapter in this huge book known as my life. I'm a free spirit and my soul is so can I not put this in God's hands and make the best of every situation?

Look out world, I got my Jesus and my optimist smile...Its all going to be okay. A few tears? maybe...but its going to be okay. I KNOW IT.

 I'll leave my current fav song. This song just describes my heart though this process and all the time really but more so recently. I know I can't do this alone.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Lifelong learning

Yesterday I went to church and while I was sitting there alone, wishing my husband wasn't curled up in bed; I started to realize just how much God has been working in my life. I've always been independent as Ive talked about several times in this blog but I don't know if I have ever explained that I don't always ENJOY being independent. Not only am I independent and rather stubborn at times I am also an extremely social person. When I was younger there was nothing worse then being alone, or doing something alone and heaven forbid I ever had to go somewhere (like church) alone.

I am now finding that God has been teaching me to cherish my alone time, or semi-alone considering Asher is obviously attached to my hip. To imagine myself 4 years ago sitting alone in church and actually enjoy it seems impossible. I am telling you its the little things God works in and through. Doing things alone may not seem like a big deal to other but for me it was learning about contentment and quietness and embracing the time and using it wisely instead of wasting it wishing I was doing something fun with a friend.

This definitely ties back into why I am no longer on facebook. I feel like a lot of people use facebook as a crutch or an excuse, which it is so easy to do. They don't have to go out and see people or call and talk because everyone has facebook. But I am srry facebook is just so....impersonal but also (depending on the person) way too personal. I never needed to know some peoples ENTIRE daily schedule with constant status updates and "check-ins" all day long. Stalker much?

I am so glad I am one of few who still values true friendship and communication. Trust me, computer to computer is NO way to spend a friendship.

I also have really become to value my time and become more thankful for the way my days are set out without feeling the need to be connected. I am now taking maybe 20-40 minutes spread out through out the day to check my email and write on my blog....instead of hours and hours and hours with facebook just chillin in the background.

I know, I know I could show some self restraint in this department and just NOT get on facebook but like I said there are many other reasons why facebook is no longer in my list of interests.

Well I guess this is my little note for the day, I'll leave you with a picture of Mr Adorable and his new craft supplies we bought while shopping today.

Sun soaked cheeks and Happy Shrieks!

Friday, July 13, 2012

Oh the fun I create!!!

So here's the story, as I walk to my car from the grocery store I noticed a bright red car next to mine that's littered with multiple "Obama" stickers.... This picture is how I respond to such outrageous idiocy.

Ps. This is all in good fun :)

Bye bye bye to Facebook!!

I am feeling so incredibly liberated because I just deleted my Facebook applications and decided to resign from a Facebook filled life! So glorious!!! This will now be my main mode of sharing and communicating, minus email of course. I will be posting more often and starting to include pictures and videos of Asher. Just want to update reminding everyone I haven't completely deserted them, although most act like it when I broke the news of NO Facebook *gasp* how can I survive?! Just fine is how, infact I promise my life and all who are present in it will appreciate my Facebook free lifestyle. YES, I dare to be different :) Off to snuggle with the little Mr. for some quiet reading Sun soaked cheeks and Happy shrieks! -Amber

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Not my plans

I thought of something this morning. Something  I think is worth blogging about, considering this is basically my therapy session published for anyone to read. I need to process these thoughts, and ideas and turn them into positivity.

This morning my husband left for a his VERY FIRST business trip. I was very excited for him but in honesty I was excited for myself as well. I figured he's away on business this means I get to do things I WANT to do instead of what we want to do. I started making plans over a week ago for the 2/3 days he will be away. I wanted to have lots of play time with Asher maybe go to the children's museum. I made plans with friends and arranged a babysitter so I could have a night out! I figured it would be a great and quick 2/3 days of rejuvenation. I could make what I enjoyed for meals, I could clean at my leisure while Asher was at grandmas and the list goes on and on and on of all the lovely things I wanted to do.

Well what happens the second I give Jacob a big kiss and send him on his way? All my plans and I quite literately mean everything I wanted to do slowly one by one started falling through or apart completely. I no longer have a babysitter due to sickness (completely understandable seeing as everybody around me is sick at the moment) and then my father no longer agreed to watch Asher on my day of work, our bank account took a very surprising dip because of unseen bills that needed to be paid. Normally this stuff wouldn't bother me that much, its all things that happen in life. People get sick, bills need to be paid...unseen things pop up. I totally get that. It just seems to me that for the last 2-3 weeks every time I make plans or schedule out activities for myself or Asher they keep falling through.

Today I made the realization that maybe all these things keep falling through because God has other plans, different plans and most likely BETTER plans but I have failed in asking Him how would He like me to be spending my time and money.  Is it possible that God just wants me to slow down? To focus on what holds more importance such as getting enough sleep, spending more time with Asher, a tended to home and organization and that is why my plans never hold up.

God, I see your trying to tell me something. I'm not exactly sure what it is yet but I'm listening.  This song sums up perfectly how I'm feeling today. This is my prayer Lord. 

Monday, February 6, 2012

A bigger picture

Its time not for a new start or beginning because to many times I've said "this is a changing day- a new day". This time its different, this time its a continuation, a leap of faith and a longing for true forever change. Something that doesn't make me new but instead takes me to my essence, my core being- a  heart longing after God's own heart. This is where I don't try but I DO. I show myself mercy, understand and forgiveness because I am not perfect. I will fail but now I will allow myself to fail. To rise again, dust myself off and keep going instead of sinking deeper into my own muddy despair. I will love myself and others the way God calls me to, not the way I feel I or they deserve.

I will make small obtainable goals and not expect everything to come easily and change over night. I will enjoy the quiet moments and embrace the overwhelming one second at a time. I will seek God and His ways, and His wisdom before my own pleasures and desires. God and His way, His plan and His word are now my main desire.

I choose to be different and stand out in the crowd. I will be a "Jesus freak" or a "bible thumper" for HE is the reason I am alive and so blessed beyond words. For it is not by my own works but HIS GRACE that I am saved.

Proverbs 31:30
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Insane in the membrane! no brain!

Have I stepped into the twilight zone? or am I still asleep and having the most vivid and longest dream of my life because last couple weeks of life feel like one big blur. I enjoyed the holidays and our little "vacation" to Minnesota  for my cousins wedding but ever since we returned I feel like I have to adjust to a new meaning of "everyday life".

It feels as if everything around my just sped up to like super sonic warp speed in a blink of an eye. First off time...time feels like a figment of my imagination. A lovely lofty idea in which I can make and hold a schedule and have left over moments for a hobby or say a social life. Time no longer exists in my world. I am officially on the crazy train headed straight to where ever the heck this train derails and throws me off. My days and weeks have turned from scheduled events and things to look forward to; into a time where I open my eyes in the morning, blink and its 11pm and I have no time to do a single thing I was suppose to accomplish that day.

My adorable, silly and very energetic son has turned into a hurricane of flip-flopping emotions and screams of "I love you mama" to "NO WAY." and "Go away mama." or my current favorite "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NOOOOOOOO". We used to love running errands and going grocery shopping now I find myself eating cereal for 3 meals a day, accompanied by 10 cups of coffee praying I can put off going to the store with my insane mini-human for just one more day.

Now, don't get me wrong, Asher is a great little kid. So much fun, so loving, so creative has the biggest imagination but...haha and that is a very large BUT, he has his mothers and his fathers need for independence and our attitudes. If you know anything about Jacob and I you should know already that when I say Asher has our need for independence...that is a big UH OH. Add in the fact that he has our very stubborn some what sassy attitudes you can imagine the treat I'm in for. Allow me to remind you this mini human we created is ONLY 2 years and 8 months old! I can't even imagine what the years to come are going to bring my way.

So here I am, in this transition of moving on and adjusting to a new normal. Its rough, its exhausting and its a total mix of emotions but I have to admit it is also a lot of fun. Watching this amazing little thing that we created and that I freaking grew in my belly for 9 months start talking, and having an imagination and his own personality is just mind blowing. I just pray that God gives me the wisdom and strength to raise this little monster into the man that God has called him to be. I also pray that I am strong enough, and patient enough to remember to focus of the important things in life so that I may become the mother, wife and woman God has planned and needs me to become.