I started a memoir called "Giggles and Cries: The ups and downs of a young married mother"
Determination
I’ve always been the girl of a thousand ideas, but never the
girl to bring those ideas to fruition. God has blessed me with a very active
imagination but when it comes to following through; let’s just say it has never
been my strong point. I can remember, as I’m sure my parents can as well, as
young girl I always had big plans for my future. It started out as an
astronaut, the first female astronaut to land on the moon to be precise. That
dream started in my elementary years sometime around the age of eight and continued
until the age of twelve. It was then that I realized astronauts didn’t just
jump into a space shuttle and off they fly into universe, they were smart;
exceptionally smart. I never considered myself as an exceptional student and
when my father informed me that astronauts had to be really good at math, in my
mind it sealed my fate here on earth. Math has never been and will never be my
forte.
After the death of my first childhood dream many, many others came and went. Dreams of being a pianist, a teacher, a pastor, a singer in an all-girl band, a hair stylist, a poet, a painter, a photographer but one thing I always knew I would be one day without a shadow of a doubt was a wife and mother. I had an overwhelming nurturing, motherly instinct since, well, birth I believe. A truly God given desire to be the best possible wife and mother I could be. An unbearable love and a compassion for my unborn children and future husband before I even knew how babies were made. I have always loved being in love, or the thought of being in love. I was always dreaming of my knight in shining armor and the cutest little babies that we would have after our glorious fairy tale wedding. That is why I started writing when I was around the age of thirteen I found myself enthralled with the idea of love, any kind of love. Love from God, my parents, my sister, and dare I even say love from a boy. I began writing little poems about different boys I liked and the feelings that accompany a young girl blossoming into her teenage years.
I found myself inspired by photos, and scenery but mostly music. Music to this day still has a way of reaching a spot in my soul that nothing else can. In fact, I am currently listening to quiet piano music as I write this chapter. I will never forget the first song that inspired me to write, it was by a band name LaRue, a brother and sister duo who sang Christian music. I was like a love sick puppy enamored with the older brother named Phillip and the sister Natalie sang so beautifully I wanted to be just like her. The song was from their album “Transparent” titled “Fallen for you” the very first line of the song reads “As though the world was wearing black and you were wearing white”, that line right there jump started a whole new world and a whole new dream for me. It was that line that I wrote my very first poem from and after that I knew, writing was something I would continually build on. A gift God had given me that one day I would use for His glory, and His praise. That is why this book is such a big deal for me. For so long I have wanted to be something great, had this desire to do something great - little did I know it was right in front of my face. The one thing I thought was nothing special will turn into something spectacular.
After the death of my first childhood dream many, many others came and went. Dreams of being a pianist, a teacher, a pastor, a singer in an all-girl band, a hair stylist, a poet, a painter, a photographer but one thing I always knew I would be one day without a shadow of a doubt was a wife and mother. I had an overwhelming nurturing, motherly instinct since, well, birth I believe. A truly God given desire to be the best possible wife and mother I could be. An unbearable love and a compassion for my unborn children and future husband before I even knew how babies were made. I have always loved being in love, or the thought of being in love. I was always dreaming of my knight in shining armor and the cutest little babies that we would have after our glorious fairy tale wedding. That is why I started writing when I was around the age of thirteen I found myself enthralled with the idea of love, any kind of love. Love from God, my parents, my sister, and dare I even say love from a boy. I began writing little poems about different boys I liked and the feelings that accompany a young girl blossoming into her teenage years.
I found myself inspired by photos, and scenery but mostly music. Music to this day still has a way of reaching a spot in my soul that nothing else can. In fact, I am currently listening to quiet piano music as I write this chapter. I will never forget the first song that inspired me to write, it was by a band name LaRue, a brother and sister duo who sang Christian music. I was like a love sick puppy enamored with the older brother named Phillip and the sister Natalie sang so beautifully I wanted to be just like her. The song was from their album “Transparent” titled “Fallen for you” the very first line of the song reads “As though the world was wearing black and you were wearing white”, that line right there jump started a whole new world and a whole new dream for me. It was that line that I wrote my very first poem from and after that I knew, writing was something I would continually build on. A gift God had given me that one day I would use for His glory, and His praise. That is why this book is such a big deal for me. For so long I have wanted to be something great, had this desire to do something great - little did I know it was right in front of my face. The one thing I thought was nothing special will turn into something spectacular.
Like I stated earlier
following through has never been my strong point. I played multiple instruments,
so many that I am not even sure I could name them all and yet I have nothing to
show for it. I always quit when it gets too difficult; when something
challenges me past my comfort zone or my currently ability level I have the
tendency to run from it. This is strange because I’ve always been a
strong-willed woman, known for my independence, my strength but my lack of
determination has affected me for far too long. Determination has now become
the driving force behind my writing. I have pushed myself out of my comfort
zone. I want to be able to say I finished something, and that it meant
something. So here is my follow through and only by God’s grace and His
strength will I finish this book.
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